Dornbracht bathroom bed, I mean horizontal shower

I am not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination.

To put it mildly, I hate the morning. If someone offered me a trip to Hawaii and I would have to be up by 5am I would seriously consider not going, I hate getting up in the morning that much. The problem is is my husband is a morning person, he is one of those super annoying morning people, he is happy and very talkative in the morning. I am the complete opposite, you can`t shut me up the rest of the day & am a very happy person, it`s just those first 2 hours of the morning that I am quiet and feel like a truck has run over me then backed back up over me a couple more times. Part of my New Year`s resolution this year is to become a morning person, I`m still working on it.

So when I saw this horizontal shower by Dornbracht my heart skipped a beat.

Looking at this shower the first thing I thought of was ``hey, I could sleep in there``. Reading up on this shower, I came across other writers who mentioned how you could catch a few extra minutes of sleep in the morning in this shower, but first you would have to get out of bed. I don`t know what they are talking about, if I had a shower like this I would make it my bed! Then in the morning all I`d have to do is throw the blankets, pillows and pjs on the floor and voila hello new and improved morning person! Ok, it might take some work to convince my husband to sleep in the bathroom, but I`m thinking I could mention the benefits of sleeping on a hard surface for your back or I could offer to install a tv in the bathroom too (we don`t have one in our bedroom) Yes, I will resort to bribery.

So what does this shower have to offer, besides being able to lie down in it?

Per Dornbracht`s website:

`the user can also choose from among a variety of pre-programmed choreographies, offering a range of settings for water temperature, intensity and quantity. The user can decide from among BALANCING, ENERGIZING or DE-STRESSING effects.`

I`m not sure what they mean by `choreographies` but, I`m hoping it means that you can program the shower to do a Las Vegas Rockettes number on your back by vary the pressure of the water across the 6 shower heads so it feels like you are getting a massage. Just like you would at the spa or in one of those programmable recliner massage chairs.

In the comments of the articles I read, there was one positive that quiet a
few people mentioned...I`m sure you can guess what it is...

Great for sex in the shower!

Some people commented on how much more comfy this would be vs sex in a regular shower, the well practiced mentioned how no one would be left in the cold spot anymore, a few mentioned how you wouldn`t risk slipping and falling, one person did point out how possibly unhygienic this shower was, that you`d have to clean it alot more given that not just your feet are touching the surface, and one author pointed out that for those of us who don`t look like the model in the photo we could risk looking like a beach whale!

So I looked around to see if there were any other photos of the shower to test out the beached whale theory, and found this photo of a speedo man testing out the shower in Dornbracht`s labs:

Speedo man does look very relaxed, not at all like a beached whale, but I find it also looks like he is lying in a mortuary. Note to self, if you buy this shower, don`t go for grey tiles!

There were also a bunch of problem with this shower that people mentioned (btw, none of the commenters had actually tried the shower yet, but their comments do make sense).

-water splashing all over the floor (I imagine Speedo man must have tested this out)

- it will be hard to wash your hair 

- hard to soap up your body & you`d have to sit up to do it.

I`d also mention shaving your legs and exfoliating, you`d have to sit up for these too.

Reading all those comments got me to thinking of what improvements and features I might add to this niffy horizontal showering experience.

Here`s my list:

- for reading in the shower: a built in screen or stand to keep your ipad or Kobo e-Reader dry 

- car wash style built in foams, body washes and spa muds so you just lie there and the system cleans you

- light therapy just like in the sauna - surprisingly super relaxing! (they put in a new sauna at my aunt`s pool and it had this type of lighting in it, we sat in there for a good hour. It was amazing!)

- heating unit to dry you off, I think this is a must! Nothing is more relaxing then lying on the beach being dried off by the hot sun, listening to the waves and this would be the same, but even better because you get to sleep for a few more minutes!

- sound system including beach sounds and whatever other music to set the mood...

- spray on after shower moisturizer, oils and sunscreens!!!

- for those cancer crazy people you could also turn it into a tanning bed

- for me, I`d rather if it also had a spray tan setting option, I`m sure this would go over well with the buyers in Miami and California!

- a hair drying system, so as you lie there getting dried your hair also gets dried and...

- might as well also build in a little cappuccino maker for those peeps who need their morning cup a joe

- and of course it should also be self cleaning to be the ultimate shower. If they can make ovens self cleaning, they should be able to make showers self cleaning too!

Now`s your turn, what features would you add to this shower?

images via: dornbracht, Schienbein + Pier
a few other articles about this shower: guardian, architizer, daily mail, spyghana


Vhore said...

HILARIOUS review. And well thought out as well.
I DID think about the inability to really keep the suds away from your body (I mean, WHERE exactly is the muck going to GO?)

Lol, Speedo man!

mikky said...

Thanks Vhore!

This shower really is something special. I think there must be long rectangular drains on the side of the shower, like the cool new shower drains or there could be small holes across the 'bed' platform. If ever I see this beauty in person I'll write an update as to where the muck goes.
Have a great day and thanks for your sweet comment.


Focal Point Hardware said...

Great article! The shower does have its advantages and disadvantes, but you do have to give props for innovation.

mikky said...

Agree with you Focal Point Hardware! It is an original design!